


vicious circle

by jedijarmarcal



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Pining, Post-Break Up, this kinda hurts a lot lololol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 01:36:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14683698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jedijarmarcal/pseuds/jedijarmarcal
Summary: Cassian shows up to the showing of Jyn's documentary after they've been broken up. Like their relationship, there's no happy ending here.





	vicious circle

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wanted to try something maybe a bit different. This is written with a lot of the hindsight recollections being made left purposely vague. Thank you for reading!

The anger she felt rise did so chaotically, completely unsure where it should direct its attention: Kay, and his single mindedness to fix anything he deems large and complicated enough to be a worthy challenge? Or Cassian, and how easily he dared to exist- and look so unbelievably perfect doing so- like it wasn’t  _ him _ that had been the one to finally speak the words they’d both had been ready to spit out for months.

 

_ “Well Jyn, if that’s the case then maybe we shouldn’t be together.” _

 

Torn as she was, Jyn felt the rage turn in on herself; not for her role in things, or even how upset she still was- almost two and a half years later- that he could still upset her, but for the fact that she ever let it get this far.

 

_ “For God’s sake Cassian, we don’t even like each other anymore!” _

 

Before Cassian, the pain that had molded her after losing her parents had been contained in the deepest recesses of her mind, and once he’d left- yeah, she’d slammed the door, but he was gone way before then- he’d reminded her just how badly it could hurt. And now he dared to come back into the world that she’d spent eight hundred and eleven days piecing back together?

 

“Do you want me to ask him to leave?” 

 

At least Kay had the audacity to sound sincere, and Jyn didn’t have it in her to call him out on his certain role in this.

 

“No. He’ll leave soon enough.” 

 

It was his thing.

 

Jyn wanted to throw up.

 

Luckily, Bodhi began addressing the crowd then, thanking everyone for attending the showing, and going on to explain just how much of themselves the crew had poured into the documentary. The slaughter of the Rohingya was now only seriously being addressed in the United Nations, because of the heroic sacrifice the Rogue One film crew in its efforts to combat the evils in this world. 

 

Under normal circumstances, Jyn would have cried her heart out when Baze and Chirrut’s faces appeared on the screen, but with Cassian breathing the same air, she didn’t dare for fear she wouldn’t be able to stop.

 

Cassian had left them, too, and it would have been a dishonor to her friends to shed even a tear for the man simply because he’d broken her heart. How could Kay ever have invited him to this?

The rest of the night passed in a blur, with Jyn trying to focus on centering herself once more, trying to be the Jyn she was now, and not the girl Chirrut had warned Cassian about from the jump.

 

_ “She wants to fight.”  _ He had said back when everything was too raw and she was too close to the hurt to know any better. That’s the girl Cassian would expect, and he was a fool for it. 

 

When she found him in the crowd afterwards, Jyn willed him to do the intelligent thing and avoid her, but he made a beeline for where she stood, and she was certain he’s a lot stupider than his doctorate would have you think. 

 

Still, she was stupider for how her heart clenched in her chest as he approached.

 

About teen feet away, he stopped walking and just stared at her, an expression on his face that answered thousands of questions only to birth hundreds of new ones. Her mouth tried to articulate  _ something _ , but all she could do is stare back. 

 

He could walk to her, take her in his arms and kiss her like he used to before everything became so tender and depressing and each touch wasn’t riddled with the kind of longing that should never be felt in the arms of a lover. 

 

Or she could smile and shrug her shoulders like she did after every fight and hope that meant enough of a sorry that he would shake his head and ask what she wanted to eat for dinner. 

 

The could cross the distance, for once, and get the hell over themselves and be in love together, because this whole being in love apart thing wasn’t very fun.

 

They could.

 

But that’s how they got into this mess in the first place, and look where that got them?

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? A review not only motivates, but helps improve! I'm toying with a part 2, possibly the beginning of their relationship, or the end, or something after this.... or even post-breakup pre-this moment. Again, thank you for reading, and you can find me on tumblr @ sunnydalecalifornia.


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